So this was me in high school with my best friend Ashley. Not that anyone will be surprised, but I was uber emo and nerdy, even at a young age. I fought with my mom a lot back then, but I never rebelled. I really didn’t start drinking socially (or at all…) until I was 23, so my experience of high school did not include a lot of parties, or drugs, making out with boys in dark places or any kind of typical rebellion similar to my peers. Y’all, I was a square. Again, no one is surprised.
All of this has to do with Ashley, the friend who was a square with me, though she was way cooler at it than I ever was. We had movie nights and sleep overs and we wrote in our journals and read aloud the words from notebooks that we wouldn’t say to anyone else. Frustrations. Poems. Hopes. What we envisioned our future would look like 10 years from then. We promised two things: that we would attend our high school reunion together (because who wants to go to that alone?), and that when we were getting married, we would be each others maid of honor.
And wouldn’t you know it… but 12 years after making that promise to each other, she gets engaged, and asks me to be just that. We’re not 14 anymore, we’re not kids anymore. We’re not sitting in her bedroom with legs stretched out, reading our hopes about the future to each other. The future is happening, and it’s big, and it’s real. There’s a word I’m searching for… what is this word? Something that would convey this emotion of the strangeness, of the things we talked about happening that are happening. And it’s true that we’re not kids anymore, but how lucky are we that we are each living our best lives, the kind we always hoped for? I have no word for this, but maybe that’s okay. Maybe the feeling of it sitting in my heart is enough.